When to stand up and when to sit down...
I love to learn. I haven't always loved to learn as much as I do now. I remember hating classes in middle school....barely trying for other classes in high school. Taking a few courses pass/fail in my undergrad. I was usually a straight A student, but without motivation to retain information. But as I've grown and matured, so has my thirst for knowledge.
I had the dream patient at my medical music therapy job recently. Her storyboard in her room, which explains patient next of kin and hobbies and dislikes, said in bold letters:
I LOVE MUSIC.
I remember going into the first session with my usual caution and kindness. She didn't say much, but that we shared the same favorite Beatle (George. Obviously), and that she didn't have much of anyone left after her husband passed. She seemed like any other patient. I didn't know the imprint she would leave on my heart then.
I found out she was a music trivia whiz. Years. Dates. Artists bio info. Stories about concerts and memories. You name it...make it about the sixties folk craze and she could go on for hours. I like trivia, too. But this woman was amazing. Sometimes I feel burnt out from the constant giving that is my career. But she was giving back. I was learning so much. I called her my soul sister, and she called me hers. The nickname stuck.
She challenged me. I prepared trivia questions and games with a fellow music therapist. She easily aced our quizzes. She was like fresh air after swimming underwater in self doubt and disappointing job shortcomings.
Our sessions lasted at least an hour. Quality over quantity....I assured myself. She left the facility, and I truly miss her company.
I think she and I are so similar. She told me how hurt she was when she had a cranky hospital roommate that called her ignorant when all she did was greet her and welcome her. She had a hippie soul...I loved her for that. My colleague and I sang her "In My Life," a Beatles favorite, and she wept. I now feel the hurt I imagine she felt with that cantankerous (her word exactly) roomie with something I'm going through. And I remember when she was upset she was wondering why people can be so mean- I wonder that too.
Have you ever had someone you trusted condescend you? Sure. That's part of the ups and downs of life. But having this person condescend you in a calculated manner....in front of a literal audience? Yeah...that happened to me. It felt cold and purposeful...and I felt a weight in my being until I therapeutically wrote a letter I'm not actually going to send. My dear friend, Chaplain Jamie, posed this question to me: What outcome do you want from this person? When I realized that what I wanted wasn't from THEM...but rather from ME...I understood that my letter would remain in my email drafts...forever without a recipient except for in my mind. You see...an apology wouldn't make me feel better--it would be syrupy and fake and insincere. So what will make me feel better? Standing up for myself. And in a way...being the bigger person and standing up for myself can come in the form of public humiliation that the other person brought on themself at the *attempted* expense of my professional reputation. I'm taking the high road, as they say -- confident in my delivery, composure, and professionalism.
I have often found myself in tricky professional situations...having experienced a similar awkwardness with a grad school professor. I wonder "why me?"- "what am I doing wrong that encourages this treatment from colleagues?" And I think the answer is that I have a thirst for knowledge and maybe that's intimidating- I can't be sure. But I do know that although I consider myself assertive, I truly hate confrontation. The uncomfortable condescending mistreatment looms over me as I internally battle with myself about how to best handle the situation. I'm not usually one to remain quiet, which can be attested by my sweet Daniel who has to cohabitate with my stubborn and persistent attitude. And I'm sure the overall consensus with handling work related confrontation is an overwhelming "it really sucks and nobody wants to deal with it." Things haven't always been so complicated, I keep telling myself. But in actuality I think no matter a new professional or veteran...this is a subject that will show its face time and time again throughout my career.
Reflecting on lifelong battles as a mostly introvert, I remember a particularly traumatizing time when, in fourth grade, I had been appointed as secretary of the student council and missed a meeting. The supervising teacher proceeded to threaten me...and I meekly and tearfully told my lioness mother this. Needless to say, the principal was involved and I was so anxious to return to school. But what I learned is that when faced with adversity and people that tear you down...don't stay down. When you feel an injustice...speak up. And that is what makes this situation so unnatural and unappealing to me. I want to send that letter...oh do I ever. But with a potential job on the line, this time my confrontation will be the passivity of a well educated woman with the confidence and faith that the universe will work this kink out.
So I spent my time wallowing...but it's time to get up. And just like my music trivia patient, I'm going to continue to spread my love and light despite our so-called haters. I'm going to cry and yell- whatever the hell makes me feel lighter. And then I'm going to be brave and put a smile on my face and handle myself, knowing that I have learned immensely from this uncomfortable and unfortunate professional scenario. Because that is what a fighter does, and the bullies shouldn't win.
I had the dream patient at my medical music therapy job recently. Her storyboard in her room, which explains patient next of kin and hobbies and dislikes, said in bold letters:
I LOVE MUSIC.
I remember going into the first session with my usual caution and kindness. She didn't say much, but that we shared the same favorite Beatle (George. Obviously), and that she didn't have much of anyone left after her husband passed. She seemed like any other patient. I didn't know the imprint she would leave on my heart then.
I found out she was a music trivia whiz. Years. Dates. Artists bio info. Stories about concerts and memories. You name it...make it about the sixties folk craze and she could go on for hours. I like trivia, too. But this woman was amazing. Sometimes I feel burnt out from the constant giving that is my career. But she was giving back. I was learning so much. I called her my soul sister, and she called me hers. The nickname stuck.
She challenged me. I prepared trivia questions and games with a fellow music therapist. She easily aced our quizzes. She was like fresh air after swimming underwater in self doubt and disappointing job shortcomings.
Our sessions lasted at least an hour. Quality over quantity....I assured myself. She left the facility, and I truly miss her company.
I think she and I are so similar. She told me how hurt she was when she had a cranky hospital roommate that called her ignorant when all she did was greet her and welcome her. She had a hippie soul...I loved her for that. My colleague and I sang her "In My Life," a Beatles favorite, and she wept. I now feel the hurt I imagine she felt with that cantankerous (her word exactly) roomie with something I'm going through. And I remember when she was upset she was wondering why people can be so mean- I wonder that too.
Have you ever had someone you trusted condescend you? Sure. That's part of the ups and downs of life. But having this person condescend you in a calculated manner....in front of a literal audience? Yeah...that happened to me. It felt cold and purposeful...and I felt a weight in my being until I therapeutically wrote a letter I'm not actually going to send. My dear friend, Chaplain Jamie, posed this question to me: What outcome do you want from this person? When I realized that what I wanted wasn't from THEM...but rather from ME...I understood that my letter would remain in my email drafts...forever without a recipient except for in my mind. You see...an apology wouldn't make me feel better--it would be syrupy and fake and insincere. So what will make me feel better? Standing up for myself. And in a way...being the bigger person and standing up for myself can come in the form of public humiliation that the other person brought on themself at the *attempted* expense of my professional reputation. I'm taking the high road, as they say -- confident in my delivery, composure, and professionalism.
I have often found myself in tricky professional situations...having experienced a similar awkwardness with a grad school professor. I wonder "why me?"- "what am I doing wrong that encourages this treatment from colleagues?" And I think the answer is that I have a thirst for knowledge and maybe that's intimidating- I can't be sure. But I do know that although I consider myself assertive, I truly hate confrontation. The uncomfortable condescending mistreatment looms over me as I internally battle with myself about how to best handle the situation. I'm not usually one to remain quiet, which can be attested by my sweet Daniel who has to cohabitate with my stubborn and persistent attitude. And I'm sure the overall consensus with handling work related confrontation is an overwhelming "it really sucks and nobody wants to deal with it." Things haven't always been so complicated, I keep telling myself. But in actuality I think no matter a new professional or veteran...this is a subject that will show its face time and time again throughout my career.
Reflecting on lifelong battles as a mostly introvert, I remember a particularly traumatizing time when, in fourth grade, I had been appointed as secretary of the student council and missed a meeting. The supervising teacher proceeded to threaten me...and I meekly and tearfully told my lioness mother this. Needless to say, the principal was involved and I was so anxious to return to school. But what I learned is that when faced with adversity and people that tear you down...don't stay down. When you feel an injustice...speak up. And that is what makes this situation so unnatural and unappealing to me. I want to send that letter...oh do I ever. But with a potential job on the line, this time my confrontation will be the passivity of a well educated woman with the confidence and faith that the universe will work this kink out.
So I spent my time wallowing...but it's time to get up. And just like my music trivia patient, I'm going to continue to spread my love and light despite our so-called haters. I'm going to cry and yell- whatever the hell makes me feel lighter. And then I'm going to be brave and put a smile on my face and handle myself, knowing that I have learned immensely from this uncomfortable and unfortunate professional scenario. Because that is what a fighter does, and the bullies shouldn't win.
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