A Little Self-Care...

Hello, people of the internet world. (Mostly my mom and a few friends that read my word vomit...)

The holiday season is behind us, and after recovering from many busy days, I seem to find myself the most exhausted - physically, spiritually, emotionally...you name it.

I wanted to share some of my self-care routines that I use when I am feeling stressed. And honestly...I am stressed pretty much all of the time because:
1. Of who I am as a person,
2. I am* Generalized Anxiety Disorder (yay), (* I truly meant to type I HAVE Generalized Anxiety Disorder...but then I read my typo and it made me laugh and sometimes I do feel like I am the poster child of anxiety. So there. I kept it.)
3. I am *sigh* a people-pleaser.

Since I am also in a caring profession, I leave work feeling like my gasoline tank has been drained and that I'm running on 'E.' It's like I'm a 'Feelings Fairy' all day just running around non-stop and supporting people and tossing them a little bit of empathy until I have nothing left to give. And at the end of the day I have this whiny inner monologue that cries out, "What about MEEEE?!" ....Hence this post.

You may remember my past post referencing a self-care wheel and my struggle with finding my inner balance. Well my 'wheel' is certainly constantly in a state of changing balance, but I do believe I have made some huge improvements regarding my self-care in this past year. I will say that self-care is so much beyond bubble baths and treating yo'self.

A Friends gif is always appropriate. Always.

I'm sharing my versions of self-care - and everyone has a different version, which is how it should be.

Personal

I set a goal in 2018 to read 15 books. Reading is a hobby I have enjoyed for most of my life, but have had required academic reading for so much of it that I had truly lost the magical feeling of being completely enthralled and absorbed into stories. I use the Goodreads app to keep track of books that I want to read, and also receive some pretty decent recommendations. I surpassed my goal and read 18 books, mostly reading at night during a bedtime routine. It helps me to wind down and I also think that snuggling up in bed with Gracie and a good book is a sincere treat.

Here are my favorite books that I indulged in this past year:

Sharper Objects by Gillian Flynn

I know. I'm late with this one. But it's dark and twisty with foul language and I LOVE A TWIST. Also the HBO show is amazing.

Eleanor Oliphant is Completely Fine by Gail Honeyman

OMG I don't know where to begin. This character will stay with me forever. Charming, funny, and thought-provoking.

The Extraordinary Life of Sam Hell by Robert Dugoni

This was a fast read with a great plot. I didn't want to put it down. Highly recommend.

The Nightingale by Kristin Hannah

I am very interested in the Holocaust, and this book was extraordinary. 

Lilac Girls by Martha Hall Kelly

Another wonderful fictional Holocaust book with perspectives from different women from different backgrounds.

I have also learned - much to my dismay - that listening to music in my car during the week is no longer as enjoyable as it used to be. I do music all day. Thus I have discovered some amazing audiobooks and podcasts that have been thouroughly entertaining for my work commutes. Do I sound like an 84 year old yet? Because that's my life, y'all. 

Beneath a Scarlet Sky by Mark Sullivan

I'll Be Gone in the Dark by Michelle McNamara

Where the Crawdads Sing by Delia Owens

My Favorite Murder podcast
It's a true crime comedy podcast. They curse like sailors and they make me laugh every day.

Professional

The most I can say for this category is that I have done very well with not taking my work stress home with me. I owe a lot of thanks for this to the fact that I am now full-time and not juggling 83 different clinics I visit. Hallelujah. Amen. Praise be. I take my work hat off when I leave for the day...and make sure whatever music I learn for work - whether it be for patients, events, memorial services- is spent doing so at work and not at home. 

Spiritual & Emotional

I consider music-making as the main source to fill up my spiritual cup- and music that is not work-related. This past year I have written a few songs, which is a new experience that I find very therapeutic and enjoyable. And I even performed two solo gigs at a local coffee shop with an eclectic set list of my favorite cover songs. I think this is an important need for music therapists who also thrive as a musician and making music. We need to create and do what we love. And every day we do what our patients love. It is so thrilling to pick up a guitar and play my favorite Beatles song at the end of a long day. Make time to create!

Environmental

I have become a plant lady. There are so many proven health benefits to having live house plants. I'm not going to talk at you about that. I will say that I have enjoyed watching my plants grow and thrive and that it gives me a serene sense of accomplishment. I am also extremely excited to design my outdoor garden at the new house this spring. I'm just going to share some photos of my beautiful plant babies. Keep in mind that I have killed *many* poor plants this year. These ones were lucky to survive. I try.

Psychological

If you know me at all, you know that I am upfront and probably too blunt. I won't apologize for it- I believe in transparency. That's your warning.

The psychological area of my self-care is always an interesting mix of "I'm doing so well right now!" and "Oh $*#@! I need to call a therapist." I recently hit the 'Oh $*#@!' wall and am in the midst of finding a new therapist. Why don't people talk about these things publicly? Why is there a stigma about taking care of one's mental well-being?! My hometown therapist is *literally* the REASON I decided to become a music therapist. I need to buy her flowers or something! Also- it is actually recommended to people in care-giving and THERAPEUTIC fields to seek their own personal therapy. I think that is really neat. We need to spew our own emotional garbage at people just as much as our patients need that with us. A therapist seeking therapy will only know how to better treat his/her patients/clients.

This year I learned something very important: When your anxiety medication runs out...refill that shit. NOW. This is a funny (it's not) story. Once I let my meds lapse. I thought "Maybe I don't need these pills anymore. I've been feeling fine and stable lately." And then do you know what happened? $*#@! hit the fan and I was slapped in the face with instability, depression, lashing out, crying at everything and nothing, and overwhelming anxiety. So yeah...you aren't supposed to just stop taking your medication (Let it be known that I should know this because of my job. That does not mean I listen to my therapist brain at home. I don't. I know- it makes no sense.) So when poor Daniel called me one afternoon and I was blubbering nonsensical words, he knew to go pick up my prescription and didn't even complain about having to go to the dreaded Walgreens pharmacy. Bless him.

So my new goals for the psychological part of my wheel are to start therapy and to take my medication. 

Physical

I'll be honest--This is never going to be at the level it used to years ago in my "skinny days." I was a work-out-a-holic. I was also in a toxic relationship that traumatized the way I see myself and the way I view working out now. So I'm working on accepting me and improving me at the same time. For a while in 2018 I was walking my dogs twice a day and also taking June to the dog park. That's become very unrealistic because it is now winter and it's frigid, the dogs caught kennel cough from the park, and also it gets dark sooner.

So I have settled with walking the dogs on the weekend. I feel a lot better when we go for a 20 minute walk around our new neighborhood and park- and it wears out the puppy which is a huge win. Overall this area of my wheel is still very depleted. But new year, new me AMIRITE?!

If you all have something specific you do as part of a self-care routine, hit me up! I'm always looking for ways to better balance myself.

Happy New Year and remember to take care of YOU!